Save My Soul
by Cryzzel
Summary: His last thoughts and feelings about the woman he loves when he wrote the note... And his silent plea for her to save his soul before he walked out that door. 2.13 Chuck&Blair. Oneshot


**Summary:** His last thoughts and feelings about the woman he loves when he wrote the note…. And his silent plea for her to save his soul before he walked out that door [2.13]

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. I wish it was because CB are epic. They belong to respective owners.

**A/n:** I cried so much this episode. Chuck and Blair were so epic. This is what true love is! It's Chuck and Blair. So so beautiful I wrote what Chuck was thinking when he wrote the letter and how he felt.

I might make Blair's POV called "What Am I without you", I don't know. You tell me if I should continue that one. Enjoy and feedback to rave about the beautiful scenes in the episode is welcome, I cant stop talking or crying about it.

Thanks to Fefe(puresimplicityXO) for beta and Amy(ciiisu) for crying with me.

**~*~*~*~*~**

After 48 hours and probably a couple of hundred seconds, Chuck Bass finally slept. He found solace and comfort in the one person who loves him and will always love him: Blair Waldorf.

His eyes fluttered open; it was dark, and quiet.

It was… serene.

He didn't want to move just because this was the only time he felt calm… In the arms of the girl he loved so much, so much that it hurt. He felt her shivering body behind his, and he carefully turned around to look at her; to look at the beautiful face he'd been pining on for so long.

She finally said it.

His heart stabbed him. She said it. And he couldn't say it back.

_Why Blair, why?_

_The right words at the wrong time._

_This is not a movie where a simple word can change the world._

He wanted to die when he couldn't say it back, he wanted die when she pleaded him with her doe eyes. He wanted to die when he ripped himself away from her, leaving her behind.

It was only when Lily talked to him about turning away from the people you love that he finally realized…

The people you love…

The people you love…

Are dead. They're all dead.

Except one.

"**Because ... I love you"**

He ran back to her. He went back to the one person he wanted to seek salvation from. The one who could give him what he wanted.

Love.

That was what Chuck felt when she ran to him and gripped him. His heart which was ice cold was slowly melting. The feel of her warmth around him broke down all his walls. He felt her comforting him, saving him…loving him. His heart ached. It hurt, but it was a bittersweet feeling. For once in a long time, Chuck felt at home.

He felt safe in her arms.

He closed his eyes, finally. He felt her hand on his and gripped onto her as tight as she was gripping onto him.

All his pent up emotions, from the death up to the funeral, everything he had kept inside his cold, cold heart, he released into a single tear.

Then another, and another…

Until he fell back onto her covers with her. She gripped him even tighter, never letting him go.

Never letting him go.

But love could only last so long. Love could only take them so far.

Chuck thought as he watched her sleep, still gripping onto him.

He didn't want to let her take care of him.

He didn't want to burden her. He loved her so much he couldn't say it, and he couldn't bring her along this roller coaster ride with him. He felt it. He knew he was slipping away from the world… slipping away from sanity.

But he didn't care. He didn't fucking care.

Everything was dead. Dead to him.

He heard Blair whimper and cling on hard to him as she slept peacefully. Her touch calmed him. It was like Heaven on Earth with her. Every moment with her was like his last, every moment with her mattered so much.

She was the only thing not dead to him. She was the only person that mattered. He couldn't do this to her. He couldn't let her deal with him. He couldn't pull her down with him.

What if he lost her too?

Would he be even more insane than he was in the aftermath of the death of his father?

His father whom he disappointed over and over again? He couldn't deal with disappointing someone else again. His father who meant everything to him, was now gone. His father, even from the grave, still dictated his behavior.

Chuck knew he could never be the same again, until he let go of this.

But he couldn't. He had no family. He had no reason to love. His eyes never left Blair's features. He broke away just for a moment to look for a pen and paper just by her bedside. His eyes darted back to her peaceful features.

She was like an angel who watched over him all the time.

_I have no reason to be here with you._

_I'm sorry I haven't said the words you wanted to hear… I'm sorry I haven't been the best person in the world. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you fall in love with me. I'm sorry…._

**I'm sorry for everything.**

_You're perfect. You're beautiful you're smart; you're every man's dream and nightmare. You're you. You're everything to me. I don't know when I'll say it and I don't know if I ever will. So till then, there's someone else better for you out there. I will be never good enough for you, Blair. Never._

_I don't deserve you._

**You deserve much better.**

_I know you'll look for me. I'm not worth looking for. So…_

**Don't come looking for me.**

_Forget me. Please forget me for your sanity and the last shred of mine. Forget me._

He continued watching her sleep peacefully as he signed his name on the note. He watched his beautiful girl finally take rest.

He pulled the cover over her and she shifted a little, but never woke up. His fingers grazed her bare shoulder, her neck, and then her cheeks, which he caressed lovingly. His finger stopped to linger at her lips. His eyes were trained on her beautiful angelic face.

**The worst thing you've ever done….**

He broke off contact with her as he slid off the bed slowly so that he wouldn't wake her. He left the note by her side. He was leaving her again. He knew that in a situation like this, a short note would suffice. He hoped Blair would accept it.

Would accept the decision he had made for them.

**The darkest thought you've ever had.**

His heart panged when he separated from her. This would be the last time he'd ever see her. The last time he'd touch her. The last time he'd understand what it was like to be loved. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't let anything happen to her.

_What if you die too Blair?_

_What will happen to me? _

_No one can save me. No one._

_It's easier to fall than to be saved._

So it was better if he left. So they could both forget each other and nothing bad would happen. Forget everything. Sever all ties. It was as easy as that.

Each step he took away from her stabbed at his chest. It was like the end of a knife stabbing him with each step he took.

He finally stopped by her bedside and looked down at her, his gaze soft, so vulnerable… so haunting. He leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

The kiss only lovers shared. Only the epic kinds shared.

Their last kiss.

Their last goodnight.

**I will stand by you through anything.**

_No you won't…I won't let you._

_Please, Blair, it's not because I don't love you…it's because I love you too much._

**Because I love you.**

_I love you. _

But he didn't write that. He only wrote 3 sentences. Three lines...while the rest of his thoughts; he took with him and tried to bury like he had buried his father.

But they would always echo in his head…

_I love you._

He felt the last remaining piece of his heart get ripped out when he walked out the door.

_Save me._


End file.
